June 07, 2013 12:00 AM | by Luci
Stepping into The Great Gatsby
There has been a huge buzz about The Great Gatsby, so Billy and I decided to go to the movies to find out how great this movie really is. Right before we entered the hall to watch the movie, Billy told me some unpleasant news, that he got an offer to go for seven months abroad and work from the Paris office. I didn't feel that good about it, but didn't want to tell him that to his face, as it was a great opportunity, so I decided to go with a straight face and see when he'll bring it up again.
Anyway, I'm quite the day dreamer. All my friends tell me I should have been a film director instead of a PR girl due to my dreamy habits. It could be my dramatic hormones or you can call it creativity, matter of fact is, it happens to me most of the time.
As we were watching The Great Gatsby, I couldn't help but put myself in Carey Muligan's (Daisy) shoes. Love triangles are the hardest, poor girl! And at that exact moment my day dreaming habits started flowing in. I imagined myself to be her, Billy to be Leonardo DiCaprio (Jay Gatsby) and for some weird reason Amr was also part of it, he was Tom Buchanan, Daisy's filthy rich husband.
Don't ask me why I actually included Amr into the whole story, maybe it's because in my head the gap had to be filled so I can day dream ahead, or maybe in the back of my mind a small part of me still is attracted to him.
Subconsciously, the idea that Billy might have to go away for quite some time for work started triggering everything. In my head we all stepped into the 1920's, though I wasn't blonde like Daisy, but found myself married to Amr and longing for Billy. Billy's seven months of being away turned in my head to five years. We were living in an amazing mansion with a view no one could ever resist. I was staring at the wonderful view, just as the phone started ringing. I didn't like it much when the phone rang, mainly because it was one of Amr's mistresses calling him up, he would rush to the phone, give her a hard time because she called him at home and then I would have to pretend I didn't take notice of what was actually going on, but I always do. I guess, what comes around always goes around, doesn't it?
Well, as the movie continued playing and I continued day dreaming, there was always a part of me that was continuously longing for Billy, though I lived a life many girls wouldn't have ever dreamed of. But then the question comes up, which life would you pick: having a husband that cheats on you, yet everything else is almost perfect and though he cheats because it's more of a habit, he does really love you, or being with someone who's not well off at all, but would never ever cheat on you nor treat you badly. I guess the answer to that question would heavily depend on each personality and whether living without a worry is your choice or if you'd rather live happily but unstably.
Scenes start drifting by, and I finally get a chance to meet Billy once again. At first it was awkward as we haven't seen each other for the longest time, I could see how nervous he was about seeing me, and I was personally really stressed out about it as well, especially that I gave up seeing him again a long time ago. I've only been hearing about him, he crosses my mind a lot, but never ever did I imagine meeting him again. Seemed pretty weird in both my day dream and in the actual movie, but sometimes not everything does make sense in your head and you tend to go a bit more dramatic than life already is.
We kept on talking for a couple of hours and then he took me to his even bigger than Amr's mansion. The moment I stepped in, I couldn't take my eyes off of how beautiful the place was. We danced, we talked a bit more, he took me into an enormous closet and I have to say this was the best time I had since a very long time. That's when reality (in my day dream) hit me. I was a married woman and had a beautiful daughter, and at times though what you're feeling could be the perfect thing ever, but it's just too late to go there again. It might have been the best option for me to go for Billy five years ago, but now and although I really wanted to, it was just too late to bring up the past.
Seeing Billy did not stop there and Amr began to feel there's something unusual happening with me. Maybe that I'm a bit happier than ever or could it be that I'm always staring across the sea towards Billy's house and thinking about him. Billy called me up and invited both Amr and myself to one of his enormous parties he threw very often, and which were the talk of the town. At first I was a bit hesitant, as it's not my scene, nor is it okay to get Amr with me to meet Billy, but then for some weird reason I decided to go. I can't begin to tell you how posh and entertaining the whole place was, full of celebration, drinks, dancers, people partying and dancing like they had no worries whatsoever. Amr got quite distracted by a girl around the corner, so I just ignored him and went to find Billy. It's weird how you marry someone and think he'll be loyal forever and then things just change, the nasty habits begin to appear and then it's too late. You become used to it and just have to suck it up.
"Luci, are you liking the movie so far? You look like you're too focused.", asked Billy and his question brought me back to reality for a couple of minutes. I was transferred from the jazz era back to a movie hall watching The Great Gatsby.
Me: Yeah, I like it a lot. Love the details about it.
Billy: Glad you do, you look so cute when you frown.
I smiled at him and rushed back to my day dreaming. My imaginary Billy took me by the hand from the party and into an amazing quite garden, which was super romantic. We started talking and catching up again, but I could notice how determined Billy was to ignore the five past years and just start over as if they haven't passed, which led us to go into an argument. Maybe, me being with him was not the best option. When he noticed that I'm actually starting to get a bit angry, he started talking calmly and tried to convince me that I can actually leave Amr for him. If that was the case I really wanted to go away with Billy, just fly away, that's the only option that made sense to me if I ever wanted to be with Billy again, but going away seemed to make him angry as he mentioned that he did all of that just for me.
Day by day, we spent more time together and talked more and more and his idea of me ditching Amr for him started making more sense. Billy kept on pushing me to confront Amr about it, and he would be there by my side to actually do it. But you know playing with people's feelings and trying to alter the past barely works, and when you think it might, it actually causes bad things to happen.
"I thought about it, and I'm not going to go to Paris for work.", whispered Billy into my ear, just as The Great Gatsby was coming to an end. It brought me back to reality at an exact moment where I had to step out of all the drama inside of my head.
Me: Why not? It's a great opportunity, you said that yourself.
Billy: Yeah, but taking such a decision could affect us, and this is the only perfect thing in my life. So such a risk isn't worth it.
I couldn't help myself from smiling a huge smile.
Me: I love you so much! But are you sure about this?
Billy: I couldn't be more certain about anything in my life.