February 22, 2020 11:00 AM | by Luci
Post #92: Where It Started Going Down Hill
Hey lovely readers, so, we're back to reality!
Remember ladies, all these posts started with me heading to my therapist and she asked me to take her back to my wedding time!
Me: Honestly, remembering that time and telling you about it really makes me miss that version of Faisal. I miss the connection we had, I miss loving him. Now it seems like all we do is fight and argue, and I'd rather avoid him than love him.
Therapist: It's very normal for a person to develop over time, that leads to growth. So, it's perfectly normal for that old version of Faisal you miss to have changed a bit.
Me: But, it seems like it changed to the worse.
Therapist: You're forgetting the view from Faisal's side Luci. Perhaps he thinks you've changed too, and he misses having the old Luci around. Did you ever consider that?
Me: No, actually, not at all.
Therapist: A big problem couples often have, is they think and view things from a one-sided angle. However, if people take the time to just think about their partners' point of view, things would be a lot simpler. Think about that and try to do this exercise for a day. Try to go a whole day trying to assess and handle situations from Faisal's point of view, and let me know how it goes next session.
I left my therapist's office that day more confused than ever. Thinking about what she said, I feel like I have been really selfish lately! Thinking only about myself, blaming Faisal for our problems. I never really asked him how he feels about all this, we've been avoiding each other so much lately, that we barely talk about anything serious.
I got home and found him sitting on the couch watching TV.
Me: How was your day?
Faisal: It was fine, yours?
Me: It was okay...
He stared back at the TV...
Me: So... I've been thinking about our honeymoon lately.
Faisal: What about it?
Me: I just miss it, it was a fun trip for us. We were really happy.
Faisal: That's kind of the point of the honeymoon.
Me: Yeah you're right.
I got up and left the room and decided to go and take a shower. As I got to the bathroom, I realised I was doing it again, avoiding everything because I just don't like his responses. I went back to the living room, took the remote, closed the TV, and sat right in front of Faisal on the floor.
Me: Do you resent me?
Me: Do you not really like me anymore?
Faisal: What are you talking about Luci?
Me: Just answer the question!
Faisal: Of course not Luci.
Me: Okay, I really needed to hear that! Now for the next hour or so, I want you to talk! I want you to tell me everything you’ve been feeling towards me, especially with how weird our relationship has been these past few months. Don't hold back, just say everything, I can handle it!
Faisal sat up, got comfortable and looked me straight in the eyes.
Faisal: You're an avoider Luci, and the main problem in that, is I'm one too. So when things get bad between us, we tend to both press our 'avoid' buttons and enter into that mode for as long as it takes. This time though, all the drama with Amr and the mistrust in our relationship made things harder... These past few months I felt all alone in this relationship, you never wanted to talk, you attacked me a lot and you never asked me how I was feeling in all this! I know I screwed up with Amr, saying you were pregnant, and I apologized for all that, but I felt like I was losing you. You never once stopped to ask why I did all that, how I was feeling, you turned it all about you. And you didn't make it comfortable enough for me to come and tell you how I was feeling, and that really hurt. I don't think I ever made you feel that way, because every time you wanted to talk, you come say everything on your mind and leave. And I bet after hearing all this, you're going to walk out this door and avoid me and we'll repeat the whole cycle all over again.
He was right, I really wanted to get up and leave and just be alone for a little bit. But, I decided to try out my therapist's exercise. How would he feel if I got up and walked away? I think I'd just break his heart. I got up and hugged Faisal instead.
Me: Look, I hear what you're saying, but can you give me some time just to process what you said. Actually I have an idea, let's go to Sokhna for the weekend, just you and me. A change of scenery would do us good, and we can continue to talk there.
Faisal: Sure, I'll pick you up from work tomorrow and we'll head there straight after.
Stay tuned for my next post, Saturday at 11:00 AM (Cairo time) to tell you what happened in Sokhna.
If you enjoyed this post, don't miss out on reading the rest of Luci's story here>>