Post #86: How Do I Deal with It?

Let's jump right back to what happened after my last post. It took me a while to try and come to terms with what happened between Amr and Faisal. I also couldn't wrap my head around the whole, 'Luci is pregnant' lie. It got me wondering, does Faisal even want to start a family with me or was that just his way of solving one of our marriage issues.

I asked Faisal, straight up, and his answer was, no, he does not want to have a child now at all, and he just wasn't thinking when he sent that text. Honestly, I was kind of disappointed with his answer, not that I want to start trying yet, I mean I want to launch my own business first, but I just thought he wanted. Does that make sense? Am I even allowed to be upset about that?

I seem to be questioning a lot of things... Does Faisal even love me? I mean all we've been doing is just avoiding our issues. I'm just really tired of arguing and fighting constantly, so avoiding problems has been my go-to for dealing with our problems. I was too afraid to ask him that question, and did what I do best - avoided him all week long. Launching your own company is a lot harder than people say it is, and I just put all my energy into it.

The only time I actually saw Faisal was at the end of the week, where we were invited at one of his friend's for dinner. Oh and guess what, his friend, Tarek, just had a baby with his wife, Maha. At one point, Maha asked me to carry her baby while she and Tarek went into the kitchen to get the food. It was just me, Faisal and a baby in the room, yup it was awkward. Faisal just kept looking at me with a weird look on his face, I mean I guess it was kind of a smile.

Me: What?

Faisal: Nothing...

Me: You're looking at me funny.

Faisal (laughs): I don't know, motherhood looks good on you.

What is it with this man? I swear, sometimes I wonder if I even know him at all. Does he want a kid now? Because I look good holding a baby. So many emotions were rushing through my head, and I didn't even think before I answered, I just blurted.

Me: I think we need to go for couples therapy!

Faisal didn't look shocked, he barely even reacted, but what was shocking was that the baby threw up all over me, to say the night was horrible would just be an understatement.

Don't forget to check Fustany every Saturday at 11:00 AM (Cairo time) for my new post.

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