July 18, 2020 10:45 AM | by Luci
Post #110: I Reached Out to My Harasser
Sorry I missed last week's post, there was a lot going on, on my end and I just needed to take a break from it all.
While I want to brief you on how things are going on between me and Faisal, I'd like to dedicate this post to talk a little bit about the sexual harassment topic that has been recently brought up.
I wanted to share my experience with you, about how I felt when I got sexually harassed and why I decided to reach out to the guy and how that conversation went down.
So, a few years ago, before I was married I got introduced to this guy through mutual friends. He seemed nice, sweet bla bla bla and we kept seeing each other in outings and would just chit chat at dinners and stuff. One time we were all invited to a birthday through a group WhatsApp chat, and like any group chat, this group would never shut up, and I'm the worst at replying back to texts, let alone groups with 110 notifications. A day or so after that group was created, I get a text from an unknown number:
The Guy: Hey it's X, I realized you haven't replied on the group. You not going to the birthday?
Me: Oh hey, no no I'm going I just can't keep up with WhatsApp groups haha.
The Guy: Haha I know what you mean... So, how've you been?
We ended up texting for a few hours, just talking about our jobs, future careers and the work-life balance. It was a very general, friendly conversation. The next day I get a text from him again, asking me how's my day going and if I need a ride to the birthday. I thanked him for the offer, but was going with my car.
Anyways, the texts kept going on, but nothing inappropriate at all, just general conversation, but I got the feeling that he maybe interested in me.
When I saw him at the birthday, I felt like he got a bit too touchy with me, he would constantly put his arm around me when we were sitting, touching my thigh every time he'd lean close to tell me something in my ear. When we're dancing he'd get a little too close for my comfort, and every time I'd shrug his hand off, pull my leg away, or just leave the dance floor, he'd always find a way to get close again. As we were leaving the birthday I just waved goodbye to everyone. He came up to me and said, 'Oh c'mon no hug?' He didn't even give me a chance to reply or move, he just went for it and squeezed me into a hug, and when I tried to push him away from me, he hugged me tighter, and tried to kiss me too, and so I turned away fast, which ended in him giving me a kiss on the cheek. I literally had to shove him off me to which he said, 'Sorry I'm a hugger.'
Me: Yea well, I'm not!
The Guy: You more of a kisser?
Me: Hahahhaha dear god bro, that wasn't smooth.
I got in my car and rode off, only to be bombarded with so many texts from him over the next few days. The messages started off fine, but they slowly turned a bit inappropriate for me.
He'd send me a picture of me from the thousands of images sent on the WhatsApp group from the birthday and say: 'Damn that dress!' or 'Wowza' and the peach emoji.
A lot of the time I'd just ignore his texts, until at one point I replied back saying, 'Dude, is that how you talk to any girl you meet?'
He replied back saying, 'Answer the phone and I'll show you how I can talk.'
At that point I just blocked his number and called our mutual friend and told her what an ass her friend is and how inappropriate he was with me. What was shocking to me was, she didn't seem surprised. Her response was, 'Yea he's very touchy... '
So, with the rise of the sexual harassment talk I decided to call The Guy and confront him. I didn't do it to prove a point or to try and be spiteful, I did it, because I felt obligated to educate this guy.
The phone call was a bit awkward, started off with small talk, you know... long time no see, how've you been... bla bla bla.
Me: So, I'm sure you heard of what's been going on with the guy who sexually harassed all these girls and them coming forward.
The Guy: Yeahh... what about him?
Me: It just got me thinking back to a few incidents that I have been exposed to and I wanted to tell you about a specific one. So, remember that time we went to the birthday at Club X.
The Guy: Yea?
Me: Well, to be honest you made me feel very uncomfortable that day, the way you would always touch me and how you tired to kiss me.
The Guy: Are you saying I sexually harassed you?
Me: No, I'm saying you made me very uncomfortable, especially that I tired to push your hands off me, and shove you away when you would get too close.
The Guy: Ummm, Luci I think at the time I was interested in you, and was just flirting, I did not sexually harass you. Ask anyone, that's how I am with everyone, especially if I like a girl and we were getting close. No girl has ever accused me of harassing them.
Me: How do you know these girls didn't feel uncomfortable like me?
The Guy: Because I ended up dating some of these girls.
Me: Some, but not all. My point is not to accuse you, because I'm aware that sometimes people can be unaware that the actions they take can make others uncomfortable. I'm telling you this so hopefully with the next girl you flirt with, you will notice her removing your hand from their thigh. You'll ask before trying to kiss her or hug her.
The Guy: I think you're overreacting a little bit, but I'm happily engaged at the moment so no need.
Next week I'll be going back to telling you updates about my relationship with Faisal. Tune in Saturday at 11:00 AM (Cairo time) for the new post.
If you enjoyed this post, don't miss out on reading the rest of Luci's story here>>