Post #62: Lust, Like, Love and Obsession

Dina: Love or lust?

I looked at her raising my eyebrow.

Me: What?!

Dina: Yes, you heard right. I’m serious here, I’ve been thinking about it for a while.

My problem wasn’t Dina speaking about that stuff, because let’s face it, it’s kind of weird when she doesn’t. It’s part of her personality. What’s weird however, is the fact that she was talking in front of a total stranger. Let me elaborate a little bit more. Remember last time when I met this guy on the plane and told him I’d introduce him to one of my friends? Well, it was another attempt for me to push Dina to meet another decent guy. She needs more of this!

I was waiting to see his reaction to her question, as he didn’t strike me as open-minded kind of guy, but to my surprise he started giving his opinion.

Joey: Definitely both, you can’t have a healthy relationship without both being present.

Dina: Yeah, I agree, but what do you think is really the difference between them?

Oh wow, she’s not stopping…

Me: Remind me again why we’re having this conversation?

Dina: I’m asking Joey, it’s nice to get a man’s perspective on such things.

I couldn’t help but nod. As it turns out, I have no idea how a man’s brain functions, so getting some insider information might be useful.

Joey: Basically, like I said, I don’t think there would be love without lust. Some might argue that lust is just hormones, which is partly true, but if two people are actually falling in love, lust will only help them form a stronger bond.

Dina: I think in the beginning of any relationship it’s kind of hard for me to tell the difference. 

Joey: It shouldn’t be if you think about it wisely.

Dina: Yeah, I guess so.

Me: But lust doesn’t necessarily mean you'll be led to love. Since we’re discussing all things crazy, tell me how do you guys tell the difference between liking someone and actually loving them? I usually have them a bit mixed up.

Joey: I think what helps here is taking your time to actually differentiate between them. For me, liking someone is that spark or attraction you feel, but it’s more of an initial connection, it’s not deep yet. It’s what tells you that this person is interesting and might be a good match, now go and get to know them better.

Dina: True! So that’s exactly the difference between liking someone or having a crush on them. You know when you’re too much into someone and it makes you awkward around them? Well, that’s a mix between lust and like and at times obsession.

Me: You of all people know the true meaning of obsession.

Joey: Is she a stalker or what?

Me: Nope, she was in one of those relationships. I’ll leave it to her if she feels like sharing.

Dina: That was such a long time ago, I don’t really mind talking about it. And yes, I experienced first hand obsession.

Joey: Now I’m curious, tell me more.

I was very intruged to see how much she was going to share with a total stranger. She doesn’t trust people easily or as a matter of fact, she doesn't trust people at all, but he had that “hey, I’m trustworthy” vibe.

Dina: There's a very thin line between lust, like, love and obsession and the problem is, once you cross it, it’s too late to take a step back. It’s even hard at times to tell if you’re somewhere in between or if it’s a mix of all. Let me share my experience here, since I went through a lot.

Joey: How much do you consider a lot?

Dina: Hahaha that I can’t reveal, but it’s probably the amount Arab men would hate.

Joey: I’m not your typical Arab man. Try me!

Dina: If you prove to be trustworthy, I’ll share that piece of information with you, but for now, I have something more interesting to say. I think it’ll help out Luci as she kind of sucks with men.

Me: Hey! Don’t pretend you’re much better here, you’ve had your downs as well.

Dina: Chill, even Joey knows I was joking. Now to the more serious shit, lust for me in a few words, is that strong desire, like is the attraction, love is the deep and romantic attachment and last but not least, obsessing over someone is your mind not being able to process anything else other than that person, like continuously.

Joey: Since you seem to know so much about obsession, tell me more. Were you in one of these relationships?

Dina: Yup, and the problem is you don’t even realize you’re in one. See, being with a person who obsesses also means he’s quite manipulative and sleek about it. They try to win your attention by any means, all of the time. There’s constant texts, calls, day and night, and when you don’t answer they freak out and make things quite dramatic for you. You don’t see it coming, or at least I didn’t, but he managed to convince me to give in to his pressure and live in his own cage.

Joey: So when did you actually notice you were in one?

Dina: I always had that small voice inside of me telling me that I was, but it only hit me when I started finding out things about him, in other words, he was cheating, and I decided to call it off. He had zero control over me, which made him have zero control over himself as well. If I had the option, I would have gotten a restraining order hehe!

I stared at her for a while, wondering why she’s actually sharing that much. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great she is, but I had that feeling she’s actually liking the guy, so why would she give out all of these personal details at the very beginning?