December 22, 2013 12:00 AM | by Luci
Post #36: Love Can Be a Total Mess
You might think how can this girl share with us something interesting (or almost interesting) each week. Well, I almost had no clue what to write this week, can you imagine that? Why? Mainly because nothing really exciting happened during the past week. Dina still refuses to speak to me and on the other hand, Amr proved to be an amazing person. He forgave my cheating act on Sahar's presentation, and asked me to do another one. I'm still waiting to find out which one of us got the position. But other than that, nothing really happened! So out of boredom, I decided to go work on a Saturday morning in a nice coffee shop near my house with tons of sun coming in, maybe I'd get inspired. I sat there for almost half an hour feeling blank, and then all of a sudden two girls walked in and took the table right next to mine.
I recognized one of them, she's actually a very close friend of Dina. I put on my glasses so she (hopefully) wouldn't notice who I am. I needed my peace and quite to be able to write. The more I tried to focus, the more I found myself listening to their conversation as it was quite interesting. You know how we constantly watch chick-flicks about messed up love stories? Well, the one they were talking about was real and pretty dramatic too. All of a sudden I felt the urge to listen even further to tell you about it. So here it goes:
One of the girls (Dina's friend) was confessing some dark secret to her other friend. Let's call Dina's friend Mademoiselle X for sake of my article. So, Mademoiselle X is an engaged lady and I remember that quite well, not just because she said it, but also because Dina had shown me some pictures before.
Mademoiselle X: This is pretty hard for me to tell, but you're one of the very few people I can trust.
Her friend: You're worrying me, what's wrong?
Mademoiselle X: So here I go...you know things between me and my fiance have been pretty hard lately. It's been going for almost two years like that. It's not that I don't love him, I adore him, he's family to me by now, but he's always very judgmental, and always has something to complain about. I really thought he liked me the way I am, but with the amount of things that he wants to change about me, it makes me wonder why he even fell for me in first place.
Her friend: You know that's not true, he absolutely adores you the way you are. That's just his way of showing he cares, I guess...
Mademoiselle X: Well, that's not the story, wait for it! Over a year ago, we had a big event at our office where we invited all the sister companies we work with from around the region and I met this guy.
(For the sake of this article I'll call him Mr. X)
Mademoiselle X: So Mr. X and I started talking, almost daily, even when he went back home to his country. I liked him, but only as a friend. He was amazing, always listening, mentioning how much he likes me the way I am and he pretty much got to know the real me. I can't deny that I started having feelings for him, but I always managed to shove them away until one day he admitted to me that he fell for me. Though he really didn't want that to happen!
Her friend: Oh my God! What did you tell him?
Mademoiselle X: I took some distance. I panicked, there's nothing I could have done, especially that I'm in love with my fiance, but couldn't deny the fact that I also had feelings for that guy. Anyway, after a while we started talking again and agreed on being just friends. We pretty much talked every day, sharing different and random things, encouraging one another and he was always there for me, just as I was always there for him. That is as a friend of course. Please don't judge me I know what you might be thinking already...
Her friend: No, I'm not judging you, I'm really just listening to be able to help you out.
Mademoiselle X: Great, I really appreciate that! Well, to continue, after a while he was going through a pretty rough time and I helped him out and kept on encouraging him. Once he got to a strong point again in his life, he admitted to me if he had the option and if things were different, he would have proposed to me right away, but that he's also happy for me, and because he loves me, he wants to see me living happily ever after with my fiance.
Her friend: Ohhhh!
Mademoiselle X: Wait, there's more. We continued talking and whenever I felt things were getting too awkward or he was trying to be more than just a friend, I would pull away and disappear for a few good weeks, but then we'd start speaking again. I tried to encourage him several times to move on and try dating a great girl, I even tried to pick for him, but with no effect. Finally, I decided it was time for me to move on and get out of this love triangle. As you know, my fiance and I finally set a date for our big day and I didn't want any of us to end up getting hurt. So I stopped speaking to him for almost a month or so, but that didn't last for long and he called me to catch up.
Her friend: And then?
Mademoiselle X: We spoke for a while, and then he told me about a girl he started dating a week or so ago. I listened closely to each and every detail he told me, and for the first time in my life I felt that my heart just dropped. I didn't know what to tell him, of course I was happy for him, but I had this weird feeling inside of my stomach. Later on, I realized that this feeling was nothing other than jealousy. And not just the normal jealousy you get and then it tends to disappear, I couldn't sleep that night, neither the night after. At this point, I have no idea what to do. I feel like I'm a total ass! I always knew someone might end up being hurt, but I never realized it would be me. I don't know what to do? I don't want to hurt my fiance for sure, he means the world to me, but I'm also at a place where I have no clue if I'm being with the right person for me or if Mr. X is the guy I should be with.
Her friend: Oh my Godddd! I never imagined the story would end like that.
Mademoiselle X: Please don't judge me, I really need your honest opinion on this.
Her friend: I'm not judging you in any way, but to be honest, it sucks to be in your shoes. We're all humans after all and we make mistakes and we get confused. You just need to make up your mind, someone's going to get hurt, but in this case, the best piece of advice I can give you as your friend is to think about your happiness. You know how much I love your fiance, he's a great guy honestly. I don't know Mr. X, but first you need to make sure you're not just a challenge for him, because you're engaged so he's just enjoying the attention you were giving to him.
Mademoiselle X: I don't think he's like that, he's a pretty honest person.
Her friend: Okay, you know better. Now the question is, if you were single and met both of them at the same time, who would you pick? Which one of them makes you feel amazing, not just love wise but who of them is more reliable, responsible and you see yourself building up a future with? Who do you see yourself going through life's ups and downs with? As you know being in a relationship is not only about the now, but also about the future, because love at some point nurtures and turns into respect. So who's the guy that has all of these qualities?
Mademoiselle X: I need to think it through to be honest. But I can't imagine leaving my fiance, it'll leave him devastated and that's something I can never ever live with. I'd rather continue being with him than see him go through such a hard time.
Her friend: I know how much he means to you, but trust me, if he's not the guy you see yourself with, it's much better for him to know it now than later down the line when you regret it. Be honest, not only to yourself, but also to him.
And with that, her friend's phone started ringing and she picked up. I stopped listening afterwards, feeling like I just watched a Turkish drama series. Like her friend said, I wouldn't want to be in the shoes of any of the three people in this love triangle, oh scratch that, the four people counting the new girl Mr. X is dating. Love is sometimes something beautiful but at other times it's just full of mess. What's your say on that guys?
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