December 17, 2014 12:00 AM | by Luci
Post #66: A Wake Up Call
Me: Mum I miss you! I feel so lonely without you guys around me.
Mum: It was your decision to go take a job in Dubai. Remember?
Me: Is that the way you’re going to answer me saying I miss you? Great!
Mum: Of course not, I’m just a bit cranky today. We miss you too, the house has been really empty without you.
Me: I really feel like coming back.
Mum: No Luci, you should learn to stick to your decisions. As much as I want you to come back, but it’s not the right thing to do. You’re about to start your new job soon.
A moment of silence from my side. I realized she was right. I was acting like a spoiled brat, but what could I do, I really missed them. Things haven’t been easy on me, I’m all by myself, I barely made any friends over here. It sucks! And to top that off, the only guy I was getting close to was very much into my best friend, and I gave him my blessing to start going out on dates with her. I’m not hating on Dina or anything, she’s like the sister I never had, but deep down, it just feels terrible.
Mum: Are you still there?
Me: Yes, I am. Was just thinking a bit.
Mum: Tell me, what’s happening with you?
I quickly gave her the full story of what went on with Joey. Usually I don’t like to share much with my mum when it comes to men, because she manages to find a way to blame any failure on me. She always points out in a way or another that it’s my fault I’m not committed to anyone till now, and starts putting pressure on me that the clock is ticking and I should have found the right one by now. But this time it was different. She didn’t voice out her opinion that way at all.
Mum: It’s all for the best honey. Trust me on that.
Me: Yeah, that’s what I keep telling myself. But you know mum, it’s really hard. I’m not just talking about Joey here and the fact that things are already turning awkward between us or that I’m afraid it will get between me and Dina, but there’s also Amr and Billy. It doesn’t seem like it’s working with anyone and I don’t even know why.
Mum: Don’t overthink things Luci, it’s for the best. Just have faith in God that the right one will find his way to you at the right time.
Me: You think?
Mum: Of course. I’m sure! Which reminds me, I wasn’t going to bring it up, but I think it’s your right to know that.
Mum: I ran into Amr the other day at the supermarket. At first, I pretended like I didn’t see him, but he came up to me and started talking, so I couldn’t ignore him.
Me: Hahaha mum you’re so cute. I would like to see you act childish around someone. Oh yeah, you do that with dad’s sister, I forgot that.
Mum: Let me continue my story, your aunt is another issue which we’ll get to shortly. She’s been driving me nuts. Anyway, he started off by asking how we were and then focused mainly on you. He kept on trying to know how you’re doing, if you’re happy where you are and I didn’t give him any straight answers.
Me: Appreciate it.
Mum: Then he started getting a bit emotional and opened up. He asked me whether we could go somewhere and sit because he owed you an explanation and you wouldn’t take his calls nor reply to any of his texts. I refused of course, but he continued speaking up his mind as I did my shopping.
Me: What did he tell you?
Mum: Nothing that made much sense to me. It’s so typical that you only know the value of something when you’re trying to get it or actually lose it.
Me: Are you referring to me as something?
Mum: Someone’s PMSing, I can tell hehehe
My mum continued by telling me that Amr asked her several times to let me know how sorry he was about the way he treated me, and that I did indeed mean the world to him. He wasn’t thinking straight at the time and followed what his mother told him blindly, but when I walked out of his life and went on with mine he realized how wrong he was.
Me: Why are you telling me this? What should I do about it?
Mum: I wasn’t going to, but the only reason I did was because you were blaming yourself, which is a mistake.
Me: No I wasn’t.
Mum: Yes you were, I know you better than anyone.
Me: Wouldn’t you?
Mum: Let me tell you another story, this time related to me. A year after I met your father…
Me: In 1900?
Mum: Hahaha sick sense of humor! A year before I met your father I was madly in love with another guy, it was the crazy kind of love, he was very energetic and it was quite an interesting relationship.
A moment of silence.
Me: Is that the end of the story?
Mum: No, I was drinking my tea. Anyway, he was never really planning on taking things to the next step, always promising to meet my parents but he didn’t act on it. I decided one day I had enough and walked away. He didn’t do much to fight it, but nine months later he almost said the same things as Amr. I made a mistake and believed him, and even though he promised to change, after a while he went back to his old self who promises but never delivers. That made me realize one thing, there’s a reason I walked away in the first place and that reason was not my fault, because at some point I started blaming myself. Once I made up my mind one last time and it was the final decision, I started dropping the negative energy and I was ready to explore much better options; the man who hasn’t left my side ever since, your dad.
Me: That’s true!
My conversation with my mother really calmed me and at that moment, I felt like everything was falling into place just the way it should be. Faith is one of the most important things one should hold on to. Faith that God has a bigger plan for you than just a bunch of losers, and when you feel lost, keep on reminding yourself that things will only get better from there, or you could just give your mum a call. It sometimes works too! I’ll leave you with one last thought: don’t keep running back to the one person (or in my case people) that you need to walk away from. The minute you walk away you’ll become the “best they’ve ever had.” Don’t fall for that, it’s temporary! You didn’t walk away so they’d realize your importance, but for YOU to understand and acknowledge your own self worth.
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