March 26, 2017 12:00 AM | by The Fustany Team
How to Find Balance as a New Mum
You can find balance between being a mum a wife. Most women get married with a lot of hopes of a romantic life full of love, flowers and dates on the weekend, but after they get their first baby a lot of things change.
What happens? Women become more focused on their tiny babies, they give them all their time, love and affection, and along the way they forget about their husbands. And so husbands become more distant. Even though some of them try to be understanding, they eventually get bored of being neglected. After a while, women realize that their husbands are also busy with their own lives and work, and women get frustrated in return.
What should married couples do about that? You need a healthy relationship with your husband to raise healthy children; you need to feel loved to give love back to your children. And so we decided to help you find balance between your baby and husband.
1. Have the talk:
Remember the talk you had with your husband before getting married? You need to have this talk again before giving birth. You need to tell him how much you’re looking forward to have this baby with him, and how this child can bring you closer. Explain to him that you need his support and help in order to raise a happy and loving human being. Men like to feel needed, and when they’re asked nicely they usually respond positively.
2. Don’t expect to be understood if you’re not understanding:
We know you haven’t slept in days, and that you’ve been breastfeeding and changing diapers non-stop like a machine. But taking it out on your husband won’t make him help you; it will make him grumpy and he will probably neglect your request. Again, ask nicely for his help, and schedule with him the times that you want to get some sleep or get anything done while he babysits.
3. Find a support system:
It’s important that you have some trustworthy people in your life to babysit for an hour or two while you get the chance to go on a date with your husband. Your mother or your sister or even your mother-in-law can do that for you, and they'll gladly do it.
4. Do small things that make you feel sexy:
Okay, so not only your husband wants to see you sexy again, you want to see yourself sexy once more. Breastfeeding doesn’t require fatty food; it requires healthy food and a lot of hydration. So don’t throw your overeating guilt over breastfeeding. You also don’t need to go to the gym to work out; you can do it every day at home with almost no equipment at all. This might be a slow process, but it will definitely make you feel better about yourself day after day.
5. Ask for his help, and depend on him the first few months after having your baby:
Men can’t read our minds, so if you need him to babysit until you get a proper shower or to run to the hairdresser just tell him. Again, schedule everything with him, find out about the times he can do so and write it down so he doesn’t forget. Don’t expect him to offer help, and if he doesn’t, don't get it all out on him, instead, communicate with him.
6. Don’t wait until he starts complaining about not having sex:
Your husband knows that there will be sometime after the delivery in which you won’t be able to have sex with him. But that doesn’t mean you can’t cuddle or make-out. And they also know when you can have sex but you’re too tired to be interested in any sexual activity. So our advice: don’t wait until he starts complaining about not having sex, because he will be very angry and some men can get hurt, they might think that you don’t want to have sex anymore with them. So surprise him with some quality time after the baby sleeps, and try to reignite the fire.
7. Life is so much easier than the drama we create in our lives:
It’s all in your head, you control everything. Don’t judge yourself every single day, you’re doing the best you can for your family. Talk to yourself positively; positive talk has an enormous power over our feelings. It’s always a good day, there’s no such thing as a bad day, just bad events that have a beginning and an end, and as soon as it ends bad feelings should end with it. If you follow these few simple rules, you’ll be able to balance between your life as a new mum and your role as a wife. And remember to always love yourself, to be able to love others.
L.O.V.E, a four letter word with so much more behind it. Explore it all in our Love & Relationships section.
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