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| by Mai Atef

Fustany Talks: This Is How Men Impose Restrictions on Women

New to 'Fustany Talks'? This is our latest series of articles where we have real conversations about topics that people are yet to open up about and discuss freely. Each of the Fustany Team members discusses it from their own personal experiences. Follow our #FustanyTalks for the latest content and join the conversation. You can also suggest our next topic here.

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I have always had difficulty dealing with men since I was a delicate little girl crying scared of anyone, even if it was a boy my age, but when I grew up things got easier for me. Over the course of these years, I met many men, some of whom were friends and other non-platonic. And I learned then that they are simple beings with a heart just like ours, but they like to be more dominant and strong in romantic relationships, to a point where their behavior was unacceptable. 

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This is how men impose restrictions on women

The vast majority of men, but not all of them, impose some restrictions on women, especially if he he wants to marry her or date her. And I was exposed to this, whether through arranged marriages or when I fell for someone. The restrictions I'm talking about here revolve around having a set of rules or placing the woman in a box that doesn't fit her at all. I found that most of them wanted me to have similar traits to their moms or sisters, whom to them represented something ideal. 

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Because every man is different, the restrictions and problems are also different and have to do with his personality, education, or what example of a 'successful women' is to him. There was one who used to tell me, "I don't want you to apply makeup for going out" despite him having met me and liked me when I had make up on. Another time, a different guy asked me to marry him under one condition, which is to leave my job. similar situation with a different person when I was working in one of the places and he asked me to marry me, but he had a condition, "I want you to give up the job." I've seen in many relationships that when girls actually do leave their jobs for him, after a while it starts getting to them and start feeling constrained and unhappy. Which is why I always said, "I'm not obligated to do anything don't want to." And it was surely a very satisfactory end of relationship for me.

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Men's obsession with control

All this made me realize that the problem is that many men have an obsession with control that is so exaggerated that it can even amount to violence against women. Some of them want to erase her personality. The obsession with control and violence always goes back to their upbringing and sometimes his mother's relationship with his father, which at a young age is engraved into his mind as what is ideal, even with all its mistakes. All of this then becomes reflected in his own relationships.

And because I've seen really cases of men who have an obsession with being in control and being violent with their wives, I've also seen wives and women who have unfortunately accepted this about the relationship and not objected. So, the man, in some cases, doesn't see that he's doing anything wrong towards his wife and how he treats her. On the contrary, he might think his relationship with her is good and ideal. And so usually the women is blamed for a relationships's failure, not the man who has mistreated her and has an obsession with control. 

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Freedom for women and men

I believe that women and men should have the same freedom and that we should all accept each other as we are, without trying to change the other person and oppress them. I live my life, not other people. So, I am not obligated to please anyone or live the life they want me to live. Men and women in this society do not get equal freedom, but if we start accepting each other, we can all start feeling a lot happier.

Main Image Credits: Instagram @katie.one


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Tags: Arab women  Women  Women empowerment  Women rights  Relationships  Dating