Luci ~ 
7/3/15, 12:00 AM 
My life here has been keeping me pretty busy and I suddenly realized that I haven't been asking about my friends and I wasn't there for them like I used to be. It made me feel bad, so I texted them within our Whatsapp group just to check how everyone of them is doing.
Me: Hey girls, how has life been treating you?
Dina: It's been actually good. You know I finally got that promotion I've been waiting for? We need to celebrate once you're back.
Me: That's great news girl! Super proud of you! Habiba, how's life as a married woman?
Habiba: It's not as easy as I thought it would be, but we're adapting to it. It took us some time to understand each other's habits. As a matter of fact, I'm still adapting, but I'm optimistic!
Me: Well, you should be. Rafik is a great guy who loves you deeply. How about you Mona?
No answer. She didn't even answer the next day, so I began to get a little bit worried. She's the one who can't get through with her emotions properly, and I had this feeling she wasn't okay. I asked Dina about her and she had no clue, apparently they weren't in touch for a long time. I decided to give Mona a call once I'm back from work.
The phone rang for a while and then she finally picked up.
Me: Babe, how have you been?
Mona: I've been great.
I didn't believe her, because she always likes to give off that 'I'm too tough to handle' attitude.
Me: Are you sure? Remember I know you too well. And you also need to remember that I'm always there for you.
Mona: What's up with you girl? Are you like a mind reader or what?
Me: See? I told you. Don't get me worried, tell me what's been going on.
Mona: It's a long story, do you have time for it?
Me: Of course I do.
Mona: So I started seeing this guy that my friends introduced me to a while ago, and Luci I'm not even exaggerating, but he got me better than anyone ever did. I can't even begin to tell you how well we understood each other. He's just like me, he acts all tough but on the inside he's just the sweetest and most caring person you'll ever meet. It went on for a while, but then I started noticing something odd about the whole thing, ups and downs. I'd be very happy speaking to him and then he starts to act weird, so I asked him about it and turns out he wasn't that sure about us. It hurt at the beginning, but then I realized he's more important to me than I had initially thought. I gave it another try as friends, but you know how hard it is to be just friends with someone you had feelings for. One day it's fine, and I'm being able to handle it, the next it gets tougher than I had expected.
Me: I can imagine, it's definitely not the easiest thing at all, but at least you had the guts to give it a try. You know I always think I wouldn't have the energy and that's why I completely let them go.
Mona: Yeah, but Billy had cheated on you, there was no way you could go on with a friendship and Amr's mum didn't like you that much. The situation here is different, we are on very good terms and I respect him a lot and so does he, but it's just about timing and expectations. I had too much expectations because he turned out to be a great guy, but then again that's my fault.
Me: What happened afterwards?
Mona: Two weeks we're giving the friends thing a try and the next one I pull out, but then I start talking to him again because of how much he actually means to me, as a friend before being a person I have feelings for. To cut things short, I had that internal struggle for quite some time and I have a feeling that he did too, it was getting the worst of me, so I decided it's time to end things for my own sake.
Me: End things how?
Mona: I gave him a call one day, and told him everything I feel, including that I'm still into him a lot, but how it's not healthy for me. This time, I'm sticking to my decision, once and for all, enough with my weakness towards him. Do you think I did the right thing? Because I've been regretting doing that for quite some time now.
Me: Babe, there's no right or wrong in such a situation, it's only what you can actually live with. You could still have him in your life, but bear the consequences of feeling constant ups and downs which will prevent you from moving on. On the other hand, a clean cut is very difficult especially that he means that much to you, but on the long run it might be for the best. You know what I mean? I'm sorry I'm not able to help you out or be there for you like I should, but I just can't help but think that there are two ways of seeing this.
Mona: Which are?
Me: The first is life is too short to spend it wondering if he's ever going to get there or if you can ever be okay with you guys being just friends.The second is that life is too short to not fight for the people who have made quite a mark in your life. Some people are worth fighting for, and you just have to determine whether he's one of them or not.
Mona: But Luci, he didn't fight for me, he acted all tough and that he understood what I'm going through, he told me he's going to be there for me the moment I come to peace with it.
Me: That's a good thing, isn't it?
Mona: Again, it's all a matter of expectations. He didn't fight for me the way I wanted him to.
Me: But that doesn't mean he didn't fight for you in his own way. You come into and out of his life, but he still values you. You need to be at peace with it first, then you'll see things the way I'm seeing them. Until then, and I hope that day comes for you, just take good care of yourself, one day at a time.
Mona: You're probably right, but because we had that bond, I expected him to do that.
Me: One day the right guy will fight for you, the exact same way you expect him to.
